Weigh-In Tuesday: Week 2

Well, I made it. Another week gone by, and another weigh-in now permanently on the books. I was a little disappointed by what the number on the scale said. I was hoping for more. Then again I didn't really keep as much on track as the previous week so why should I expect to lose close to the same amount. I did really well following plan until my boyfriend went on a golf trip for the weekend. I succeeded in tracking everything I ate so I will consider that a win. I also stayed within my points, but I did use more than half of my weekly points on Saturday and Sunday. Part of the reason was that I made a meal plan but it ended on Wednesday and I did not make a new meal plan, just winged it. Definitely wont be doing that again, at least on purpose. Then on Sunday I munched on practically anything and everything while I spent the whole day sitting on the couch working on homework on my laptop. Although, I am disappointed in the amount my loss was this week it was still a loss. I also learned that for every 1 pound loss equals a loss of 4 pounds of pressure on your joints. That makes my knees happy!

Starting Weight: 306.4
Current Weight: 298.4
Current Week: -2.2
Total Loss: 8 lbs!

That means that I have lost the equivalent of 32 pounds of pressure off my joints. My goal for week 3 is to hit 10 pounds lost by losing at least 2 pounds this week.

Weigh-in Tuesday: Week 1

Happy Weigh-in Tuesday everyone! I know not as catchy as Weigh-in Wednesday but it still works. I had a great week on this first week of Weight Watchers. This was my first week back at Weight Watchers officially and it was a very good week. I did use all of my weekly points and I used most of them Friday night because it was my 31st birthday after all. I don't even feel bad about it at all. I mean, I don't want to ruin my good week, but that is what the weekly points are there for. I even tracked everything that I ate and drank for the entire week. I made some really good meals and my new goal it to post one of my recipes that I make each week to share with the world.  Anyways on to what you have been waiting for: my results!

Starting Weight: 306.4
Current Weight: 300.6
Current Week: -5.8
Total Loss: 5.8 lbs!

I am super excited about my results so far and it only adds to my motivation! Here's to a FANTASTIC week 2!

I joined Weight Watchers!

As you all know I have been struggling big time. I am sick of losing and gaining the same 15 pounds over and over again. It is draining physically and emotionally. I have been trying to do it and I have been missing the accountability factor that I really need.  I was thinking about all the times that I have started to lose weight and I know that I can do it but I really struggle to keep myself on track. I keep thinking back to when I was able to afford weight watchers. It was the one time that I was able to keep on track and actually lost 25+ pounds. I have been contemplating going back and joining again for some time. This past weekend I went to Las Vegas and I was so unhappy with the way I looked in the mirror. Luckily for me I did really well sticking to my budget and came home with about 75% of the money I had budgeted for the trip. I decided that since I had budgeted a certain amount to lose and didn't this would be the perfect time to sign up again. Use the money for something that would benefit me in the long run. Tonight I went in and paid for the 10-week commitment plan. Then I got o the scale and practically broke down and cried when I looked at the number on the scale. It was the highest number I had ever seen. I mean I know I had gained some due to how my clothes were fitting and the amount of buffets, snacks, and drinks I had consumed over the long weekend. Then again I have been eating a bunch of crap lately and not caring so that played apart in it too. I weighed in at 306.4 pounds. Oh my gosh! I never want to be this big ever again! I am so glad I joined now and am doing something to change. For the next 10 weeks  I already paid for it so I will succeed and be updating after my meetings every Tuesday night. Here is to a great week!

My Mind is into it!!!

I know I have said this before. It seems like I have been "crying wolf" saying I was going to make changes and then faltering after awhile. Something seems different this time. I recently read this article online about why people struggle to lose weight. I mean, I have read hundreds of similar articles and I really wish I had bookmarked it so I could share it with you guys, but I read it online from my phone.

Basically the jist was that people struggle to lose weight and be successful because your mind is not completely on board with what you are doing. That it takes awhile for your mind to really accept the changes that you are making and back you up. It was enlightening and although the changes that I have been making are not resulting in weight loss. The results are on a mental level, a therapeutic type where I have made peace with the choices that I have been making. Getting to a point where I can "cheat" and it will no longer completely de-rail me from going forward with my efforts.

The results are on the inside. Like if I was an old house being remodeled and you found knob and tube wiring. You would spend quite a chunk of change to rewiring the house only for no one else to see it. However you would know that the money was well spent. That's how I feel right now. I just upgraded my "electrical" and now that it is in order I can move on to the stuff that people will see. Who knows maybe this will lead me to find something else unexpected behind the walls that needs fixing. It will be fixed then I can move on. This time I got this. This process is about learning and growing and doing it in all the right ways. If I fall, I can pick myself up and continue where I left off.

New Semester, New Me

Welcome to 2015! Today is the first day of Spring semester at Weber State! Today is also the day I am making the effort. I am taking my lunch. My amazing boyfriend helped me find things that would be healthy and travel well in a lunch bag with an ice pack. Also I stepped on the scale this morning just to see where I was. I was flabbergasted! I mean, I figured that I had gained some weight but I saw a number on the scale I NEVER want to see again. 300.2!! I wanted to cry! It sparked something in me! I HAVE to do something! I HAVE to make the changes i need to for my health and my life! I got this! 

Here is the plan. Since I don't have the time for breakfast and I want to watch my calories I picked up a 24 pack of Costco branded 'slimfast' and that will be my breakfast. I will have a fruit with it or on the train on the way to school as a morning snack accompanied with a pack of Belvita breakfast biscuits. Which the shake is 180 calories and belvita has 230 calories. 

I am planing on keeping my breakfast and morning snack to 400-500 calories. I will also be taking my lunch to school and I plan on keeping my lunches to about 400 calories. An afternoon snack at 100 calories. That leaves dinner, which I plan on keeping under 500 calories and maybe an evening snack at 100 calories or less. That would be a total of approximately 1600 calories a day. I spend at least 1 hour walking with my sort of heavy backpack. I also plan to get to the gym 1 weekend day and 1-2 weekdays to start and adding more as I go. 

My main focus though is the food and making changes for what I serve for dinner for the whole family. Which my boyfriend is totally on board with healthy eating. In fact, he encourages me to make healthy choices. Its my son that I am sure I will get some lashing out from when it comes to dinner and snack time. Here is to hoping the week goes well!

New Year, New Commitment....Again

And so it begins, again, as it does every year. With every New Year the cycle begins again. A renewal, a focus to drop the pounds. This time I mean business.

Ha, like you have never heard that before. Something feels different this time, although I did not weight in during the holidays I have been going to water aerobics since finals. I forgot how much I love water aerobics.

Here is my commitment to being healthy in the new year. I am doing it for my future, my career, my son, and most importantly, MYSELF.

The Cycle Begins Again!

Here we are again. Beginning again. I know I feel like I have beaten this topic into the ground. You may be asking yourself, "why is this girl always starting over?" I can't say that I don't ask myself the same question because I do. Constantly. I always give myself the same response. At least I keep trying, that is all that counts. I could give up and just regress. Let myself go and give into the fact that I am just meant to be fat and I will always be fat.

I CANNOT DO THAT! I will always try again. Sure I will wallow on the dark side for a meal, a day, a weekend, a month, or more. That is life. No one is perfect and as long as I start the cycle again I will have yet another opportunity to succeed.

I stumbled onto this blog post over at Fitness Life Adventure and it was something I needed at that moment. It talked about exactly what I was doing, starting over after a break. A light bulb went off. It was not just me that had to start over again and by doing so it does not mean that I have failed. In fact, it means that I have succeeded in not giving into the dark side. I can always start over, as many times as I need to in order to get it right. Here is to making good choices for my health and my life!

Weightloss Is A Cycle!

Why is my weight loss journey a never ending cycle? Why can't I just keep doing the things I know need to be done in order to reach my weight loss goal?  Why do I beat myself up for not sticking with it? Why do I just resign myself to being fat? Why start over every few months?

These questions often plague me as I am certain they have plagued many a people who are fighting a seemingly loosing battle against weight loss. The questions are what I like to call the weight loss cycle that I am struggling to break. Eventually.

Honestly, I have a hard tome accepting that I will break the cycle because I have not had any "real success" breaking any of my bad habits that have contributed to my weight loss previously. No matter how many times I have tried. I blame life. I blame circumstance. I blame my cravings. I blame the cookies I hide and eat all alone in the dark out of shame. I blame my love of beer. These are just merely the excuses that I use to hide the real problem.

I AM THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME! I do all of these things even when I know that they will only deter me from my goals. Ultimately I am the one who chooses to constantly start the same weight loss cycle over, and over, and over again. This self-sabotage does not happen right away. I have what I call a 3 week cycle. I can do anything for 3 weeks. I can track my food, exercise, drink my water, and eat healthy for 3 weeks. Then the self-sabotage begins to creep in slowly. I get tired of tracking my food, I want a beer (or two), I want that chili- cheese dog. I don't prep or pack my lunch. Then I blame everything else. I NEVER BLAME MYSELF!

If I were to blame myself, truly, that would mean that I would have to accept that fact that I am a FAILURE! I am NOT a failure though. I graduated as one of the Valedictorians at Salt Lake Community College. I am attending Weber State University. I am NOT a failure...

Finally, I give into my failure and the personal 'fat-shaming' begins. This is a dark place and can last from sometime. This is why I sporadically and without warning fall off the blog-o-sphere. I don't blog during the dark times because then I would have to admit my failure.

This is why I am blogging now. I am beginning the cycle again. Hopefully this is the last time I have to start again. Hopefully. I know my cycle. I know how it works, but all I can do is hope. I know, that is not a very optimistic outlook on the state of things which is hard for me. I am usually the optimistic one. My boyfriend is what he like to say, a realist. I am trying to take up this type of approach to my weight loss. It seems like the times that I look at it as a "glass-half-full" type of situation I fall that much harder. Maybe if I resign myself to being a realist and see that the glass is neither half full or half empty I will be able to not beat myself up so hard when I fall. Here is to beginning the weight loss cycle again and hoping to break it this time. I just have to be hyper-vigilant and realize that after all "to err is human."