What No One Tells You About Losing Weight

I would be remiss if I told you that losing weight was easy. It is the hardest, most frustrating, and difficult uphill battles that I have ever done. I am no where near where I thought I would be right now. When I started this journey a little over two years ago I thought for sure that I would be close to goal right now.

I am not anywhere near close to goal. This journey hasn't been the piece of cake that I thought it would be. The first year it seems like the weight just melted off. I was also very motivated and made sure I was tracking everything I was eating, I was even tracking all of the 'bad' things. I didn't care if I went over my points for the week or day because I was tracking it and that was the most important thing. I miss those naive days. Tracking is important but I have learned that I cannot lose weight if I kept eating whatever I wanted and tracking was not always the savior that I thought it was back then.

Then something inside me changed.  I became complacent and loosened up on tracking. I would stop tracking once I hit my daily or weekly allotment. I would not track things I ate because I was feeling ashamed. I let my tracker control my feelings and if I went negative on my points then I felt shame, defeat, and hopeless. I was floundering and I chose not to share how I was really feeling. I became self-conscious and hid my feelings. It was about this time that I stopped posting my weigh ins. I was not wanting to talk about it because I was ashamed and did not want to seem weak. I didn't want those closest to me to know my struggles. I was shame eating and I was choosing to not make choices that were healthy. I was choosing to eat crap and honestly it made me feel like crap.

Christmas of 2016 was my first large slip up. I skipped my meetings, stopped tracking, and ate whatever I wanted. I told myself that it was the holidays and I deserved to be happy. This happiness I equated with food. I let it control me by not being in control of what I was eating. Then with the New Year I rededicated myself to getting back on plan. However, it was harder then I thought it would be. I gained 10 pounds in that two week 'break' and it seemed harder to lose those ten pounds the second time around. I was still determined to follow through and continue on this journey that I had started in March of 2015. I was not ready to throw in the towel. I still wanted this. It was still important; or so I thought.

Then I pulled an April Fool's joke on myself. I went to my meeting on April 1st and that was the last meeting I went to. Until today. That was a whole month of over indulging. I made up excuses for missing my meeting and then allowed myself to overeat and eat whatever I felt like I wanted. This is where I threw in the towel. I stopped everything. I even contemplated cancelling weight watchers. My saving grace was the fact that I went to cancel my membership two days after they had already taken my payment for the upcoming month. I told myself that I should cancel it because I was not feeling like following anything anymore. I had hit my wall and gave up. I even threw out some of my materials because I was done. Done losing weight. Done tracking, Done stressing about what I was eating. Just done! I had given up.

Then I made a choice to start over. I was scarred to death to go face the scale this morning. I was ashamed that people in my meeting would notice that I wasn't there. I was scared to start over. Only I am not starting over. I am merely continuing to fight for the hardest journey of my entire life. I was still not happy with where I was and how I was feeling. If I wanted to change how I was feeling then I had to go back. I had to face the scale in order to know where I was. In order to know the number I was fearing. I almost did not even go because I was afraid of the number. I knew that I was up about 15 pounds and I did not want to know.

I did it. I faced the music and stepped on the scale. I was up and not just a little. I was up a whopping 11.6 pounds. 11.6 POUNDS!!!!! That is alot of weight to put on in one month. If I had given up I would be on track to gain 11 pounds a month. I cannot do that. I want to get to goal. I want to continue this journey and see where it takes me. I want to see what I can accomplish. I wish I knew then what I know now. I can do this and no matter how much I want to give up it is never to late, However, it is easier to just jump back on the wagon and keep on trucking then it is to start over. Here is to continuing my journey and I will check back in next week. I can do this hard thing.

Lets not forget:

Starting Weight: 306.4

Current Weight: 242.0

Current Week: 

Total Loss: 64.4

Weigh-In Thursday: Week 32

I really expected more than just a 1.4 pound loss. Ever since I hit 45 pounds lost, I felt like I couldn't really loose much more. My body and my clothes (for that matter) was trying to keep me fat. And to think I (almost) gave up this week. Here are the reasons why I really wanted to 'throw in the towel':

1. I was tired of tracking,
2. I felt deprived of the 'bad' foods I wanted to eat.
3. I was sick and had trouble keeping anything down.
4. I was sabotaging myself.

I went threw my closet this week and purged everything that was either 2+ sizes too big, or simply not fashion able. This made me think that maybe I should stop losing weight so that I could fit into the clothes that I already owned (talk about self-sabotage) even though it was starting to be a hassle because all of my cure clothes are either too big (at least now they are) or too small (wishful thinking).

If it wasn't for my amazingly supportive boyfriend I would have cancelled my membership and given up altogether. He is the best because even when I am feeling weak and like I am done with everything; he believes in me. He believes in how far I have come and he knows that I am just looking for any reason to give up. I love him so much for being my 'realistic rock' and not letting me give up because I have been hosting a pity party for myself. He believes in me, even when I don't believe in myself. 

I have decided that I needed to start over. After my meeting concluded this week I attended a "new member meeting" which I really needed. I am starting fresh with the plan hoping to overcome this everlasting weight loss plateau and to overcome even my own expectations. Here is to a new week and a re commitment to the plan. I will not let small 'missteps' determine my future success. I got this! My next mini goal is to reach 45 pounds lost (again).

Have you been thinking of joining Weight Watchers and losing with me? Now is the perfect time to Join Weight Watchers with Me. This link will give you a free gift of the Weight Watchers Magazine if you subscribe by 12/31/2015.

Lets not forget:
Starting Weight: 306.4
Current Weight: 263
Current Week: +1.4
Total Loss: 43.4

Weigh-In Thursday: Week 25

I am actually pretty happy with my weigh in this week. I was expecting to gain like 1.5-2 pounds after the weekend I had. I just finished my first week back at Weber State University. Go Wildcats! My mom came into town for a surprise visit. My boyfriend's birthday happened so we had a bar-b-que to celebrate.

The BBQ consisted of a makeshift potluck in which people brought potato salad, pasta salad, and a veggie tray (yay!). We provided the hot dogs, buns, and salad (with 3 different light salad dressings). I had one hotdog, sans bun, and a plate of salad. I also had assorted veggies with light ranch dip. I was trying so hard to be good, but at the same time I didn't want to be deprived so I had about 3 tablespoons of everything else. Not to mention the beer. Then we had leftovers for days so we kept eating that food for days following.

I also came down with a massive cold which hit me pretty bad on Labor day and that forced me to miss school on Tuesday. It is pretty hard to stay on track when you are out of groceries and sick at the same time. All in all I am happy with the week considering the circumstances. Here is to getting back on track!.

Have you been thinking of joining Weight Watchers and losing with me? Now is the perfect time to Join Weight Watchers with Me. This link will give you a free gift of the Weight Watchers Magazine if you subscribe by 12/31/2015.

Lets not forget:
Starting Weight: 306.4
Current Weight: 267.4
Current Week: +0.8
Total Loss: 39

Weigh-In Thursday: Week 22

After camping this weekend I was hoping just to maintain. I was almost expecting a gain do to my willpower issues camping and the days coming home. Read all about my camping struggles. I felt like I might as well eat what I want because I already screwed up this weekend. That is just a great way to look at things now isn't it?

This small slip up would have totally thrown me down the rabbit hole. I have learned so much about myself over this journey and being aware of my issues is helpful. I can see the patterns and recognize my slip ups. Knowing the issues that can cause me to fail gives me the motivation to keep going. I can do this! I will do this and next week will be better!

This weeks meeting what just what I needed. It was about just a slip not a slide and how a small gain should not through you completely off track. How is it that somehow Weight Watchers just knew what I needed this week? I am turning my small gain into more motivation to have a better week. I have also made a more concrete plan so that I can have more success when camping next time.

Have you been thinking of joining Weight Watchers and losing with me? Now is the perfect time to Join Weight Watchers with Me. This link will give you a free gift of the Weight Watchers Magazine if you subscribe by 9/5/2015.

Lets not forget:
Starting Weight: 306.4
Current Weight: 269.6
Current Week: +1.2
Total Loss: 36.8

Taking Weight Watchers Camping

This last weekend my boyfriend and I took the kids camping. There is plenty of preparation that is required just to go camping and adding weight watchers to the mix caused some stress. This happened when I realized that the kind of food I usually take camping is not exactly 'plan friendly'. Things like Smores, tin-foil dinners, cereal, soda, hot dogs, chips, candy, cookies, bologna or any other deli meat and cheese combination for sandwiches.. Pretty much anything that does not require much effort to make and that the kids can cook over the fire themselves.

I had to totally re-evaluate everything food related. We ended up making tin-foil dinners with a twist. My boyfriend and I started out by portioning out the meat and potatoes and plugging everything into the recipe builder on Weight Watchers E-tools. 8 oz of cubed beef chuck roast and 221 grams of red potatoes for a total of 11 Points Plus. We added as much veggies that we chose. I added garlic cloves, carrots, zucchini, onions, mushrooms, and spinach for a total of 0 Points Plus. My boyfriend substituted the spinach for green peppers. They ended up being quite large and for only 11 Points I was excited to cook them.

I make breakfast burritos and wrapped them in non-stick aluminum foil so they can be cooked in the coals from the campfire. The total points for the breakfast burritos was 7 points for 2 burritos. I use Ole Mexican Xtreme Wellness High Fiber Low Carb Tortilla Wraps because they are 1 Points Plus for one tortilla and 3 Points Plus for two tortillas. Why you ask? Weight Watchers math, that's why. I also used 1/2 cup Egg Beaters (1 PP), 2 oz diced ham (2 PP), and  sauteed vegetables (onions, green peppers, mushrooms, and zucchini 1 PP for 1 tsp Olive Oil). I cooked it all up and split it between two tortillas. So the total points is 7 Points Plus for two burritos.

Lunches consisted of tuna sandwiches with Sara Lee Delightful bread and 2 TBSP of olive oil mayo. A total of 6 Points Plus per sandwich. For snacks I took a variety pack of chips to help control portion sizes, diet soda, plenty of water, and sugar free snack pack jello.

I had my food planned out and this was exciting. Now to put this plan to use. This is where it gets hairy. The place we went camping had no service and I forgot to plan for that. I track everything online using E-tools and I didn't even think about how I was going to track my food. The thought never crossed my mind. I know, dumb right? However this was my first camping trip on plan. Since I couldn't track on my phone I felt helpless because I didn't know how many points I had left and this caused my will power to falter. I did good for meals because I had planned and prepped them before hand. Then there were the Smores and the couple bags of chips; not to mention the late night hot dog roasting forte.

Next time I go camping I plan on making sure that I grab some paper trackers at my meeting so that I know exactly where I stand points wise. I will also take foods that will not be willpower kryptonite for me. More planning, prepping, and fruits and vegetables will also be going with me.

Weigh-In Thursday: Week 15

This week was kind of tough. My son is still with his father for the month and it is hard to not revert back to emotionally eating. It is especially true late at night after my boyfriend has gone to bed. This is because it leaves me alone with my feelings and then I get bored of watching television and i get really snacky. Which I am pretty sure that I just made up that word, but I like it and I am sticking with it. I have found that I tend to be snacky at night, but I try to leave myself a few points for after dinner so I can shack with a purpose! HA! This week, however I found myself going over points and then not tracking. This is not something that I can be doing. If I go over points then I go over in points but there is no reason for me not to be accountable for what I put in my mouth. I am only cheating myself here.

My 25 lbs lost reward!

I finally took my brother's girlfriend and myself to get much needed pedicures. This was my reward for reaching 25 pound lost which I achieved in Week 13. Although the appointment was at the same time as my meeting so I decided I could skip the meeting and just go weigh in and head to the nail salon. Although I got the on the scale and saw that gain and wanted to cry. Part of me felt like I needed to be at the meeting because I had a gain. Yet part of me said, look how far you have come you deserve this pedicure. I was right! I cannot let one little mishap derail my whole plan. I need to, no I deserve to, reward myself for how far I have come!

Looking back on my tracker it seems that the week before I am hoping to reach a new mini-goal I see a gain. Then the next week I hit my goal so I an determined to repeat this pattern and work even harder to achieve my 30 pound lost goal! This is also my 10% goal from my starting weight before I signed up for the monthly pass online.

Have you been thinking of joining Weight Watchers and losing with me? Now is the perfect time to Join Weight Watchers with Me. This link will give you a free gift of the Weight Watchers Magazine if you subscribe by 9/5/2015.


Lets not forget:
Starting Weight: 306.4
Current Weight: 279.2
Current Week: +1

Total Loss: 27.2

My Weekend in Las Vegas

Me and my boyfriend in Las Vegas 5/24/15

I had a great Memorial Day Weekend. I spent it in Las Vegas with the family for my Mom's wedding. It is so hard to be good and stick to plan when in Las Vegas and especially when there is amazing food all set out for the wedding. Oh and the specialty cocktails. I sure so love a good drink and I am not ashamed to admit that I usually use all my weekly points on Friday and Saturday night when enjoying libations. This has not stunted my weight loss in anyway because I track every single drink. I also drink water at the end of the night, sometimes begrudgingly, but it mostly works out that way. This is what I love about weight watchers, I can eat and drink anything I want so I don't deprive myself and end up binging later on. I can have my drinks and my cake as long as I track it! 

The vacation started off with a 6.5 hour drive to Las Vegas. Snacks, drinks, and lunch was portioned and packed the night before we left. I stayed on plan and tracked everything. So far, so good. Saturday morning there was continental breakfast at the hotel and they had plan friendly options. Lunch was a rush in between finishing the table centerpieces and getting the house prepped for the reception. One beef hot dog w/bun and fruit. Not the healthiest choice, but the easiest and fastest. Lunch was tracked, still on a roll.

Then came the reception, with platters of food, veggies, stuffed mushrooms (my fave), fruit, and plenty of drinks. I stuck to ice water with sparking cider for the toast. I decided that I could enjoy myself without tracking or worrying about my daily points. Here was my strategy:

• Use the small salad plates only.
• Eat one plate of fruits and veggies
• Have the chicken salad sandwiches without the roll and over lettuce with 2 spoonfuls of dressing.
• Add sugar free flavorings to my ice water
• Eat a bite or two of cake off my son's plate. (it was WAY to rich not to share)

My strategy worked. I did not feel deprived or like I was taking time from the reception in order to track all of my food. Although, I did have some anxiety as a result of not tracking since tracking has become a part of my daily routine.

On Sunday morning I made scrambled eggs with vegetables from the leftover veggie trays. Then we took the kids out on the strip and we walked around for a good couple of hours. After sightseeing we went back to my moms' house for a barbecue. I had a hamburger and a hot dog, both with buns, and it was okay because we didn't really eat while on the strip except for sharing a soft pretzel from NY NY. After the barbecue I got the kids ready for bed and sent them into watch a movie. My moms watched the kids while my boyfriend, my little sister, and I could spend some time together without worrying about the kids. We walked around quite a bit looking for a good slot machine that screamed, "Play Me!" which sometimes took awhile.

On Monday morning we again made veggie eggs and then got the car packed and got on the road for the drive home. At this point I was just hungry and wanted junk. I caved since we were on the road and I just assumed that I would have a gain come the weeks end. I figured that it would be okay and I would just get back on track when I got home. All in all it was a great weekend and I don't feel bad about how I ate. I enjoyed life and that it okay to do sometimes. Now that I am home time to get back to tracking, Whatever the scale says on Thursday is fine. I will own it and keep on going.